


Once Upon a Dream

by Emerald_Leaves



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Blood and Gore, Brotherly Bonding, Dream Beavers, Fear, Gen, Guilt, Helplessness, Horror, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insanity, Murder, Mutilation, Nightmares, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-27 23:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8421787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emerald_Leaves/pseuds/Emerald_Leaves
Summary: The turtles are forced to live their REAL worst nightmares.A re-imagination of the nightmares in '12 season 3 episode with the Dream Beavers.





	1. Apathy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AristaStarfyr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AristaStarfyr/gifts).



> An idea I had awhile ago, but only recently decided to post. Happy Halloween!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First up to bat, Donatello's nightmare.

As a scientist and doctor, Donatello was forced to keep a certain level of apathy when conducting his experiments or when working to heal his brothers. If he allowed his emotions to get the better of him, he could potentially panic, simultaneously making the situation worse. And his sensitive heart would shatter into a million pieces.

So sometimes it was better to be distant. Better to keep himself detached.

Staring down at the leafy mass that was his brother, Donatello couldn’t help but marvel at the strange phenomena. Just think, they could literally be drained of the mutagen in their blood and infected with this… _weed_ like infection. The premise seemed impossible, but absolutely fascinating. It was just like something out of one of Leo and Mikey’s sci-fi movies or comic books. It didn’t make sense, and yet the proof was right here in front of him.

_‘You should study it.’_

“Can you heal him?”

Blinking out of his reserve, Donnie looked over at his big brother. Leonardo was staring at him, eyes hard and tired and _terrified_. Even after everything that he had been through, Leo had really saved the day this time, even while he was still so hurt. Donatello had seen the horror in his big brother’s eyes, the frustration of being so weak. This had been a nightmare for them all, but it must have been killing the leader.

Humming, the genius looked back down at the mass that had once been their more brutish brother. “I’m not sure,” he admitted coolly. “This…is completely outside of anything I’ve ever dealt with.”

“Well _try_.”

The taller turtle turned to look back at his brother. While Mikey and April had cried over the possibility of losing Raph, Casey going strangely quiet, Leonardo had gotten fierce. Deep blue eyes appeared almost black in the shadows of the barn, and there was a determined scowl on his beak. Leo wasn’t just asking him, not encouraging. He was _demanding_.

And Donnie didn’t like that.

_‘Who does he think he is?’_

Opting to ignore his brother for the time being, Donatello set to work on trying to revive Raphael. Honestly, as he set up the Mutagen and blood he’d taken from Leo – as the two eldest shared the same type – the genius found himself not all that worried. Strange. In the past he’d have worked himself to near frantic by now. But as he stared at the green mass, his heart remained untouched. Because honestly, this was Raph’s own fault. The idiot had gone out _alone_ into the woods at night. He was the one that had gotten himself captured in the first place.

_‘He doesn’t deserve your care.’_

How many times had Donnie patched his immediate older brother up in the past without so much as a ‘thank you’ to show for it? How many times had Raph picked on him for reading medical journals and learning about turtle and human physiology? Even when he and everyone else benefited from the research?

Raphael never appreciated him.

It took hours, and while the others slinked off to nap, Leonardo stayed in the barn with Donatello as he worked on Raph. But as the hours ticked by, Donnie found himself less and less inclined to work. He was tired. He didn’t want to do this anymore. The probabilities of saving his brother were slim to none, and honestly, he believed it all wasted effort. It wasn’t _his_ fault Raph had been careless. Reckless. He’d always told his brother that if he wasn’t carefully, he’d end up killing himself.

Looks like he was right.

At sunrise, it was announced that Raphael was dead. With everyone else asleep, it left only Leo to hear the initial proclamation. In fascination, Donatello watched his usually stoic brother’s face crumple as the blue banded turtle turned devastated eyes upon what remained of their brother. And not a moment later, Leonardo completely shattered.

Donatello watched quietly as his oldest brother threw his body on the mound of their lost sibling, weeping in near hysterics. It was the first time Donnie had ever seen Leo like this. Sure, he’d seen him cry in the past, but not like this. Not these gut wrenching sobs.

He didn’t like the noise.

It took a few hours, but eventually Leo was able to pull himself together. At least enough to make the announcement to the others while Donnie continued to work on cleaning up his work space. And collect samples of the remnants of what had once been a turtle. The others wouldn’t appreciate the sentiment, so he made sure to work quickly and quietly without notice. The others were too busy crying anyway.

They buried the remains of Raphael that afternoon under an old oak tree just on the edge of the woods. Mikey was inconsolable, but Leonardo tried anyway, hugging their baby brother close, tears streaming from his own eyes. Casey held onto April, and for once, Donnie found he didn’t care all that much. He was more disgusted with their emotional display than anything.

 _‘You don’t need them_.’

Turning his back on the funeral after everything that could be said was said, Donatello wandered back towards the barn. He had some projects to keep his eyes on.

**oOoOoOo**

It had been days since Raphael was deemed unsaveable, and in that time, without the hothead moping around about Leonardo never waking up, or shouting when he got angry about something, Donnie found himself getting a lot more work done. It was quiet around the farm, and he relished stillness.

Casey and April went into town quite a bit, working odd jobs in order to make money for food, leaving the turtles largely to themselves. Mikey had stopped eating. It took a great deal of effort to get him to swallow anything down. All he wanted to do was cry all day and lay on the couching staring blankly at cartoons. Leo wasn’t much better. The leader had gotten quiet too, but did not cry. At least not in front of the others. Instead, Leonardo had become sullen and bitter, often glaring off into space. Or at Donatello.

_‘Who cares?’_

Donnie really didn’t. Wasn’t his fault that Raph had been stupid. Why should he have poured all of his energy into bringing him back anyway?

And so, merrily, he continued his work, humming to himself. He was just about to start work on comparing the leftover samples from Raph to that of the Creep, when the barn doors slammed shut. Startled, the genius turned and found himself staring into the livid face of Leonardo.

Even from that distance, it was clear that the leader was furious, and despite leaning heavily on his cane, he came across as quite an intimidating figure. Something inside of Donatello might have cowered, but then he calmed. What was he so worried about?

“What’s wrong with you?” Leo hissed.

Unimpressed, Donnie turned back to his work. “I don’t have time for this, Leonardo. Just tell me what you want and then go.”

It took a minute or so before the leader managed to hobble close, but when he was behind Donnie, he _loomed_. The genius found himself spun back around in his chair, coming face to face with an enraged turtle. “What the _hell_ is wrong with you?” Leo demanded. “Our brother _died_ and you don’t _care_!”

_‘Why should you care?’_

It wasn’t a question he’d not thought about for some time. In fact, he’d been asking himself this question for a while now. Ever since the Invasion, actually. Why should he care? Humanity didn’t appreciate them, why should they care about the people of New York? Splinter had always left them to their own devices, so were they really that bad off without him? And Raph, he was just a hothead that always ruined their plans and got them into trouble, the turtles were better off without him.

Why should he care about _any_ of this?

“Really, Leo,” Donnie huffed, raising an eye ridge in distain. “You’re being emotional. Just because I’m handling grief differently than you, does not mean I don’t care.”

Blue eyes narrowed. “This isn’t grief. This isn’t… _anything_! You…”

The older turtle trailed off as his eyes flickered towards the experiment on the table. Despite not being anywhere near the same intelligence as Donatello, Leonardo wasn’t stupid. Strategically he was proving to be quite brilliant. But despite not being able to understand and grasp all that his younger brother could, Leonardo apparently understood enough to know what was going on in front of him.

“Wh-what is this?” he gasped, staggering backwards, nearly toppling over.

Donnie raised his eye ridge in a blasé manner.

“I-is that…is that _Raph_?!”

“Leo, you’re getting yourself worked up. Sit down and – ”

“You’re _sick_!” the older turtle spat. In the past, Donnie might have winced. “You’re sick, you bastard! You’re experimenting on your own _brother_?!”

Brown eyes rolled. “Seriously, it’s thinking like that that’s held humanity back for centuries. How are we to advanced when small minds like yours –”

“He’s your _BROTHER,_ Donatello!” Horrified tears stood out in blue eyes. “You didn’t even _try_ to save him, did you?” he accused. “Y-you let Raph die!”

“Leonardo –”

“NO!” the older turtle continued to stumble back. “You – you stay away from me! Stay away from _all_ of us! You…you…”

He never did finish. Instead, Leo turned and rushed from the barn as quickly as his gimp leg would allow. Donnie watched blankly before turning back to his project.

**oOoOoOo**

After their encounter, Leonardo had become paranoid and petulant. While he never said anything to the others about what Donnie had done, he did not trust his brother, nor did he allow anyone to be alone with the genius. He even stopped taking the medicine Donnie made, afraid it was really poison.

Of course not taking the medicine left Leo weaker than before, leaving him susceptible to infections. So when the older turtle got sick, it didn’t come as much of a surprise to Donatello.

Weeks went by and Leo got worse. Mikey stayed with the ailing turtle mostly, but Donnie didn’t bother with more than a few checkups. For Mikey’s sake, as the youngest begged him look at their brother, pleaded with him to make Leo better.

But Leo didn’t want his help, and quite frankly, Donnie wasn’t all the interested in giving it.

Leonardo died another two weeks later, the virus too much for his weakened system to handle, and his wounds having become re-infected.

They buried him beside Raphael.

That is until Donatello realized a very important thing. Being one of now only two mutant turtles, there was so much about their own bodies he still didn’t understand. If he was going to help himself and Mikey in the future, it would be prudent to understand how their bodies worked, how they were put together.

So when night fell, he went out with the shovel and dug up his oldest brother. Perhaps some would find it distasteful to use their brother as a cadaver, but honestly, how else was he going to learn? To plan for the future?

It wasn’t hard to keep the corpse a secret. Nobody came into the barn anymore. Casey and April mostly stayed to themselves. Mikey isolated himself completely.

 _‘Better he’s not here._ ’

That idiot would only mess things up. Like Leo, he wouldn’t understand how important these experiments were. He wouldn’t understand that this was necessary.

Humming as he unstrung intestines, the lanky turtles found himself pleased with his projects thus far. The advances he’d made since this all began were astounding. He was _lightyears_ ahead of understanding how the mutagen worked thanks to his experiments on Raph, and with Leo’s help, he understood so much more about their bodies and their own mutations. This was a scientific _gold mine_. Image all he could have done had Leonardo’s blood been fresh?

Later that afternoon as he sat at the table for lunch, Mikey sat quietly across from him, stirring his food around more than eating it. It was annoying because Donnie had spent quite a bit of time preparing their lunch. “You need to eat, Mikey,” he commented offhandedly.

The younger turtle startled, flickering eyes up before turning them downwards again. “‘M not hungry.”

Now quite pale and thin, the once hyper, happy turtle was a mere shadow of his former self. The bags under his eyes could not be concealed by his bright mask. The once sparkling blue eyes were dulled, almost grey, the spark of true life having long since vanished. A little bit every day, the color bled away.

“D?” Looking up as he finished chewing, the genius raised an eye-ridge.

“I…” the youngest struggled with words. “I-I miss R-Raph and Leo.” His voice ended in a whisper.

“I know you do,” Donnie replied steadily, even knowing some sort of comforting response was necessitated.

With tears in his eyes, Mikey looked back up at his brother. It was the first time the turtle had looked at Donnie for more than a few seconds at a time. But as he stared into those lifeless grey eyes, Donnie found himself more interested in the change of color.

“D-do you miss them, too?” Tears stood out prominently, running down his cheeks.

_‘They had their uses.’_

“Of course I do, Mikey.”

_‘You never needed them.’_

The tears continued to streak down freckled cheeks. “It…it doesn’t l-look l-like it…somet-times.”

“Everyone mourns differently, Mikey,” he repeated the hallow words he’d once said to Leo.

Michelangelo was silent as he stared at his older brother, and right before Donnie’s eyes, he watched as the last thread of life within the other turtle died. Wiping at his eyes, Mikey got up from the table and left the kitchen. He hadn’t touched his food at all.

It didn’t come as that much of a surprise when they found that Mikey had hanged himself that night. April’s hysterical screams brought both Casey and Donatello upstairs, only to find the girl on the floor near the door, sobbing frantically as the body of the younger turtle continued to swing back and forth from one of the rafters.

**oOoOoOo**

With Mikey buried alongside the brothers – after Donnie had drained him of his blood – there was not much else keeping the genius away from the barn. He noticed that Casey and April were gone for longer periods of time now, and they never bothered to talk to him if they didn’t have to. In fact, the turtle had started noticing the fearful glances and hushed whispers between the two.

And when one morning Donnie woke up and found himself alone, he wasn’t worried. In fact, he felt satisfied. With April and Casey long gone, he could finally be at peace. No more interruptions. No more distractions.

_‘This is exactly what you wanted, isn’t it?’_

It was. With no more Raphael storming around and screaming, it was quiet, less stressful. With no more Leonardo, there was no one bossing him around, forcing him to leave the lab to train or mediate. With no more Michelangelo there was no one messing up his experiments and running around obnoxiously. He was alone. Truly and completely alone. There was no one here. No one. Not a soul.

Pausing in his work, Donatello looked up, straining to listen. There wasn’t a sound. It was quiet. Unnervingly quiet.

Unexpectedly, a shot of fear raced up his spine, dread seeping into his stomach. They were the first true sensations he’d felt since coming out to the farmhouse, and it left him startled and nauseous.

Eyes darting around, he found that everything had gone dark. There was nothing. The room was black and there was no sound. There was _nothing_.

‘ _This is what you wanted, isn’t it? To be alone? To not have your brothers constantly underfoot?’_

“N-no,” Donnie denied, shaking as it seemed all the emotions he hadn’t been able to feel before came rushing back to him. The shock and horror of his brothers' deaths, the grief, the pain, _everything_ consuming him, leaving him on his knees, gasping for breath.

He couldn’t _breathe_!

 _‘This is_ exactly _what you wanted.’_

Images of his brothers’ corpses flashed before him. Their mutilated bodies twisting and wreathing as they crawled ever closer to the genius, who could no longer move. He had to get away! Get away from them! But he couldn’t. He _couldn’t_!

 _‘They only ever stood in your way. You never needed them. You never_ wanted _any of them.’_

“No! Th-that’s not true! They were my brothers! M-my brothers!”

_‘And look what you’ve done to your brothers.’_

The corpses were getting closer, panic sealing the turtle’s throat closed. Their cracked shells, twisted limbs, and blooded faces only worsened the need to flee. To get sick. And Donatello did vomit.

“No please!” he cried, gasping for air. “Please, I-I don’t wanna hear anymore! Leave me alone! _LEAVE ME ALONE!”_

‘ _But Donatello, you are alone. Alone with your experiments. And now, no one will ever bother you again_.’

A deep, insidious laughter rang out from all around, even as the cold hands of his brothers latched on and grabbed Donatello. The turtle screamed, but no sound came out. Only the laughter boomed as the corpses clawed at and slowly tore Donatello apart. And just before his eyes were plucked from their sockets, the last thing he saw was an image of himself standing in the distance with an apathetic expression on his disapproving face.


	2. Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael's Nightmare

_‘Do it._ ’

Raphael scowled as he tried to concentrate on the fight at hand. It had always been easy to throw Donnie out of a tussle, and Mikey was just a joke. But he wasn’t in the dojo and this wasn’t a spar. He wasn’t fighting his younger brothers.

Rain poured down in heavy sheets as Leonardo circled, katana posed and ready. “Why?” the older turtle demanded. “Why do you _always_ do this? All I was trying to do was be a better leader. For _you_!”

 _‘Do it_.’

“Oh, yeah! Yer _so_ wise and all-knowing!” he shouted back over the pounding rain, prowling around his brother.

It was happening again. He could feel it. He was so angry, so furious, he wasn’t going to be able to stop himself. Not this time.

“Why do you hate me, Raph?” the leader cried, stopping as a devastated expression crossed his face. “All I _ever_ tried to do was fight for you! Fight for _all_ of you!”

“Well ya did a shitty ass job, didn’t ‘cha, Fearless?!”

 _‘Do it_.’

“And what about _you_?” Leo snarled, the hurt swept aside as anger took its place. “What have _you_ ever done to help? All you’ve _ever_ done is ruin _everything_!”

_‘Do it!’_

The grip on his sai tightened until the ninja feared he’d bend the metal. He tried to stop the overwhelming rage that burned in his chest, igniting his nerves, but he couldn’t. And he honestly, didn’t want to. Not now. Not with _Leo_.

“You blame me,” Leo hissed, brandishing his katana, “but it’s because of _you_ that they’re gone! It’s because of _you_ that Donnie was blown away!”

Without his leave, images of the previous battle flashed through the red banded turtle’s mind. He recalled rushing into the fight against the Kraang, forcing his brothers to follow. He remembered how Donatello had been trying to tell them something. It was only later that Raph realized his brother had seen a bomb. At the time, he’d been too focused on destroying Kraang than watching out for what the little bastards had been doing.

Thunder shook the rooftop that the two turtles were circling, drawing the furious ninja from his thoughts.

“It was because of _you_ that Mikey was left unprotected!”

In his mind’s eye, Raph watched as the swarm of Kraang bots came in out of nowhere, quickly trapping him, keeping him away from his brothers. Leonardo had managed to defend himself well enough, but Mikey…

“You blame me, but it’s _your_ fault, Raphael!” Leonardo accused. “All because you can’t keep your temper! All because you wouldn’t _listen_!”

_‘DO IT!’_

“NOOOO!” Raph shouted, rushing forward to attack, all control having snapped. There was nothing now save the all-consuming _rage_.

How had he been expected to know that the bomb would explode when it did? It wasn’t his fault that Donnie had been caught in the blast, sending shards of glass, javelins of steel rods, and boulders of concrete flying through the air. It hadn’t been his fault that the genius hadn’t been fast enough! That _he_ hadn’t been fast enough to get to his brother in time…

Katana and sai clashed together, singing harmony with the thunderous bass of the storm as the two brothers began the deadly dance of life or death. Each strike was faster, more brutal than the last. And even as some part of him knew that what he was doing was wrong, that he shouldn’t be attacking his big brother, the voice in his head that had always been there chanted him on.

_‘Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it!’_

It hadn’t been his fault when more Kraang showed up, just as it wasn’t his fault that he and his brothers had been separated in the fight. Mikey was as skilled a ninja as any of them. He _should_ have been able to defend himself! It wasn’t Raph’s responsibility to always look after his youngest brother! How was it fair that the knucklehead’s incompetence was to be blamed on _him_? He hadn’t done anything wrong! It wasn’t his fault that Mikey hadn’t been stronger! Just as it wasn’t his fault that he’d been too busy to save his brother.

Jabbing and kicking, Raphael roared as he attempted to get in close to his opponent. If he could penetrate Leo’s defenses, get in and lock their weapons, he was sure he could snap the katana. Just as he was sure he could take the turtle down. Obliterate the smugness that the leader always wore. Destroy the accusations.

If there was anyone to blame for their brothers’ deaths, it was Leo! So what if Raph hadn’t listened to orders and charged in before it was time? If Leo hadn’t waited too damn long, if he’d come up with a better plan, if he’d been watching out for them like a big brother should, none of this would have happened! It was because of Leo, because he was such a terrible leader! It wasn’t Raph’s fault! It wasn’t!

It _wasn’t_!

After twisting out of the way of a strike that would have left him decapitated, an opening in the older turtle’s defenses appeared. Moving quickly, Raph locked weapons and without a second thought, he kicked out his brother’s injured knee. The turtle let out a scream of agony as Raph felt the bone give way, before taking the opportunity to snap the swords at their hilt with his sai. Shock marred the leader’s face, sending a surge of wicked delight coursing along the younger ninja’s spin, before he threw his brother over his shoulder, slamming him onto the rooftop as hard as he could.

_‘Do it.’_

Quick to jump on the downed turtle, Raph pinned Leonardo where he was, punching the patronizing face repeatedly with the hilts of his sai. It was time to wipe that smug look off Leo’s face. _Permanently._

He hit over and over and over again until the once jade face was crimson, teeth shattering under the attention of his blows. Raphael couldn’t hit hard enough, however, to appease the rage, the swirling vortex of ire that ate away at his soul. Nothing could assuage it, though he tried through his brother.

“NOT MY FAULT!” he shrieked, beating his brother into a mangled mess. “This is _your_ fault, Leo! It was you! It’s always been you! You were the one! You… _You_ …!”

_‘DO. IT.”_

Spinning his weapons around in bloodied hands, feeling the fire burning him alive, the enraged turtle hit his brother one last time, implanting the blade of the sai deeply through Leonardo’s eye and through his skull. And it was only then, as blood squirted over his face, at his brother’s final tortured cry, that Raphael came to himself. All of that rage that had consumed him was doused, leaving him cold and shaking.

What had he done?

Staring down into the ruined face of his brother, Raphael gasped.

Leonardo’s body convulsed under him, blood pouring from his mouth and snout. His remaining eye was wide in shocked horror as his scream tapered off into a silent howl. His shell was cracked, plastron torn, and as Raph stared, he watched as Leo’s life bled away, until blue eyes turned black.

When the numbness of shock had gone, Raphael leapt from the body, trembling. “L-L-Leo?” he stuttered, kneeling beside his brother, hands hovering just over the body, but not touching, too uncertain.

_‘You did it!’_

He didn’t know what to do! He had no idea how to help. One last agonal gasp left the battered body, and Raphael knew that his brother lived no more.

 _What had he done_?!

_‘Look what you’ve done!’_

Falling backwards, trying to push himself as far away from his brother’s body as possible, Raphael managed to scramble to his feet. He took off, running as fast as he could. The rain pounded down on his shell, but it didn’t slow him down. Didn’t wash away his guilt.

He ran, jumping from rooftop to rooftop until the city and all the lights faded away. Suddenly he was back in the lair, in the dojo. Panting harshly, the turtle’s eyes darted around the room. He was still shaking, gasping. Staring down at his hands, they were still sticky, the crimson liquid dripping through his fingers, down his wrists. He tried wiping it off on his thighs, on the walls, but no matter what he did, it wouldn’t come off. The evidence would not erase.

“Where are your brothers?”

Startled, the turtle spun around and found the hallow image of his father before him. Blackened eyes glared down hatefully.

“I-I…I didn’t…”

_‘You did it!’_

“You killed Leonardo!” Splinter accused, his figure growing, the dojo darkening.

“No! I-I mean…I didn’t mean to!”

_‘You wanted to.’_

“You killed Leonardo! You kill _all_ your brothers!”

“NO!”

_‘You did it!’_

“It’s all your fault! You killed my sons!”

Suddenly very small, Raphael stared up in guilty horror as his father snarled down at him, hatred carved into the twisted maw. The usually bold turtle shivered, unable to find his voice. Unable to defend himself. He was weak. Weak and powerless, unable confront the pain and guilt he felt slowly chocking him.

_‘Look at what you’ve done!’_

“YOU KILLED MY SONS!”

Everywhere he turned, images of his brothers flashed before his eyes: Donatello blown to pieces, Michelangelo shot through from laser blasts, and Leonardo…Oh God, Leonardo!

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

Tears streamed down emerald cheeks, as Raph stared up at his father, arms out wide. “I’m sorry!” he wailed. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t…It was an accident! I-I never wanted this!”

_‘You wanted this.’_

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! P-please, just…just kill me! Please! I don’t wanna live anymore!”

“YOU KILLED MY SONS!”

Chains snaked up around the turtle, binding him in place, keeping him still. His father continued to scream, to accuse, while the remains of his brothers lay cold on the floor. Raphael wanted to turn away, to block out the charges, to die, but he couldn’t. All he could do was stare and accept what he had done.

And the rage in his chest built into an unquenchable inferno, consuming him with self-hatred.


	3. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michelangelo's Nightmare

Smile and the world’d smile back! That was Mikey’s philosophy!

Despite their rather bleak beginnings and grim futures, Michelangelo had always believed that in order to have a good life, one had to have a positive outlook. Keep smiling and everything would be okay! Because while they might have been mutants living in the sewers, their lives weren’t really all that bad.

_‘Just keep smiling!’_

Humming to himself as he ran down the staircase at the farmhouse, passing Leo on the way, the turtle went to get Ice Cream Kitty to watch _Crognard_. As he went by the living room, however, he noticed Raphael sitting on the couch with his head bowed, leaning his elbows on his knees. For a second the younger turtle thought his brother was praying. But after a brief moment of observation told the baby of the family that his brother was tired and… _upset_?

“Yo, Raph! You okay, dude?” he asked timidly as he crept towards his older brother.

When the hothead looked up, Mikey was startled to see that there were actual _tears_ running down his brother’s face. Raph _never_ cried!

Pushing the comforting hand away from his shoulder, the older turtle stood, glaring daggers at his little brother. “The _fuck_ you think?!”

And without another word, his brother stormed from the room and out the door. When it slammed, only then did Mikey uncoil his muscles, rolling his shoulders to release the knots. “Ooooo~kay,” he frowned. “What was _that_ about?”

_‘Just keep smiling!’_

Smiling, the turtle continued on his way to the kitchen to retrieve I.C.K. before plopping down on the couch and switching on the T.V. “I wonder if Raph and Leo got into it again?” Mikey muttered to his pet/snack as he allowed the mindless, muscle-bound antics of his new favorite hero to entertain him.

After a solid ten minutes of eating with Kitty, Donnie came lumbering in. He smelled of car grease and hay. “Whad up, D!” he beamed. “Want some?”

The taller turtle stared at him, his expression just as tired as Raphael’s, his eyes nearly as red. After an uncomfortable moment, Donatello took the proffered potato chip, but he didn’t eat it. Instead, he set it aside on the arm rest of the couch. Shrugging, Mikey shoveled in another mouth full. More for him!

They were quiet, the sound effects of _Crognard’s_ awesomeness the only noise filling the room, before Donnie spoke. “You seem to be doing remarkably well.”

“You know it!” Mikey grinned through a mouthful of whip cream. “ _Crognard’s_ the best~”

The genius raised an eye ridge, before turning to face the screen. After a thoughtful expression, he sighed. “Look, I know you’re dealing with this in your own way, but just…don’t let Raph see you like this. He’s still…not in the mood.”

Staring at his brother, completely confused, Mikey got the weird vibe that there was something going on that he didn’t know about. Maybe he should ask…?

_‘Just keep smiling!’_

“No worries, D!” he gave a thumbs up. “I won’t pester Raph.”

The older turtle gave a wary smile, before pushing himself up off the couch. The act looked painful, like the genius had suddenly aged a million years. But as he left the room, Leo came hobbling in, sitting down where Donnie had been moments before.

With his big brother there, Mikey held out the chip bag, offering to share. For once. “Hey, Leo! You know what’s wrong with Raph?” he asked. “He and Donnie’ve been actin’ weird.”

The oldest turtle smiled warmly at his baby brother, instantly putting him at ease. “Just keep smiling.”

Offering a toothy grin to his brother, the two turtles turned back to the T.V. and watched in a comfortable silence. The good thing about Leo was, despite his manic need to practice and meditate all the time, that when he could be coaxed into hanging out, he was _awesome_. Of all his brothers, Leo was the one who shared the most similar interests with the youngest. Whether it was comics, movies, or even games, Leo was definitely the turtle to talk to!

Leo was the best!

…So why was it that when Mikey looked at him, he felt a pang of…sadness?

_‘Just keep smiling!’_

Eventually Raph came back in the house, looking worse than he had before he left. His eyes were almost as red as his mask and proud shoulders were slumped in depression. Mikey wanted to ask what was wrong, concerned for his brother, but remembered what Donnie and Leo had said.

_‘Just keep smiling!’_

“You wanna play a game, Raph?” Mikey asked, grabbing a controller and offering it to the bigger turtle.

Once again, the older turtle turned his toxic glare towards his baby brother, a scowl so black marring his features, it sent Mikey’s skin crawling. “ _No_ , I don’t wanna play yer _stupid_ games!”

“Okay, okay, chill out, man! Didn’t mean to upset you,” the youngest offered.

“ _Upset me_?!” Raphael roared stomping over to his brother.

Mikey felt afraid and shot a look at Leo, hoping that his big brother would intervene to save him. But when he glanced at Leonardo, the turtle just sat there with a sympathetic smile on his face. “Just keep smiling.”

“Stop smilin’!” Raphael screamed, grabbing the front of Mikey’s plastron, fist inches away from the baby’s face. “What the _fuck_ ya got ta smile about?! Huh? You think this is a joke? Some fuckin’ hilarious _joke_? Don’t ‘cha even realize what the fuck _happened_?!”

About that time Donatello came rushing in, pulling the homicidal turtle off of Mikey. “Stop!” the genius cried, struggling to keep the hothead away. “Stop, Raph! Leave him alone!”

“Leave ‘im alone?” the red banded ninja snapped. “Look at ‘im! He fuckin’ doesn’t _care_ , Donnie! He _never_ cared! He’s too busy fillin’ his head with all this…this… _garbage_!”

“Hey!” Mikey cried. “ _Crognard_ is _not_ garbage!”

That set the hothead off, and he and Donnie ended up rolling around in front of the T.V, while Mikey watched helplessly, confused as to what was going on. Turning towards Leonardo, he pleaded with wide eyes for some sort of help, for direction. The oldest turtle once more gave him that calming smile. “Just keep smiling.”

The fight ended with Raphael storming out of the house and Donnie limping back out to his lab. Mikey and Leo ended up watching more T.V together and fell asleep on the couch. And when next Mikey woke, he was alone, and the sun was just starting to rise.

Stumbling his way into the kitchen, he found Leo sitting at the table, drinking tea, while Donnie sat with his head in his hands, a mug of black coffee just under his snout. Raph was nowhere to be seen.

 _‘Just keep smiling!_ ’

“Dude, you look terrible!” he chirped.

The genius looked up, pale and drawn, but he eventually turned his gaze back to his beverage. Humming to himself, eventually singing off key to some song he made up the lyrics to, a thought occurred. “Hey, what you doing up so early anyway, D?”

“Early?” Donnie scowled. “I haven’t gone to bed! I spent the whole night out searching!”

Mikey frowned as he stirred some mix for pancakes. He caught Leo looking at him and immediately smiled. “Searching for what?”

“For...” the older turtle glared at his brother incredulously. “What do you _mean_ for what?” At Mikey’s blank stare, the genius sighed, standing up with his coffee in hand. “You know what, never mind. I’m going to get some sleep.”

Shrugging, going back to his food, Mikey ended up making a delicious breakfast for himself and Leo. They hung out for a while, playing video games – which Mikey totally _slayed_ – and watched T.V. together. But eventually, the older turtle hobbled away, leaving Mikey alone. Probably to meditate or something.

About that time, Donnie came back down, anxiously checking his T-phone. He kept pacing, muttering to himself. Total psycho.

_‘Just keep smiling!’_

“D!” the front door burst open, revealing a freaked out Casey, April just behind. “W-we –We found Raph.”

Relief had Donnie’s shoulder’s slumping. “Thank God! Where is he? Is he all right?”

The humans hesitated, exchanging looks. Strangely, April was crying. “He…H-he’s with Leo now,” she whispered.

Donatello’s eyes widened, color draining from his green face. Without a word, the lanky turtle sprinted around the humans and out of the house. The door slammed shut behind him.

Why did everyone look so upset? Why was April crying? Had Leo coaxed Raph into meditating, putting the hothead in a bad mood or something? Had he said some mean things to April?

_‘Just keep smiling!’_

“Hey! Anyone up for a little game of _Mario Kart_?” Mikey offered, grinning at his friends.

April burst into tears, while Casey glared furiously. “What the hell’s _wrong_ with you?”

The weirdness of the day continued, and Mikey found himself alone until that evening. He tried to keep himself busy, throwing an impromptu dance party with Ice Cream Kitty while Leo watched from the other side of the room. He baked several treats, which he shared with his oldest bro. He even did a bit of acrobatics practice, flipping and jumping around on the furniture.

Despite how weird everyone was being, he’d ended up having a great day! He’d never laughed quite so much. It was awesome! And when it was nearing dinner time, he set out looking for the rest of his family. Leo hobbled along behind him.

“Hey! Raph? D? April? Casey?” he called, but no one answered.

That strange, funny feeling squirmed in his gut, and anxiously the turtle looked back at his big brother.

“Just keep smiling.”

Plastering on another grin, he turned and opened the front door. They were all probably just outside. “Hey! Guys? Hello?”

The wind blew, the still chilly spring air catching the turtle off guard. Shivering, he looked around in the fading light. It was quiet out. Running to the barn, he didn’t find anyone. He checked the chicken coop. Nothing. He ran down to the pond, but it was silent.

“Where _is_ everyone?” he moan, his stomach churning.

_‘Just keep smiling!’_

Deciding to just go back into the house, Mikey noticed that the party wagon was gone. Had they…had they left, forgetting to tell him? Panic squeezed the turtle’s heart, and turned to sprinted back towards the house.

_‘Just keep smiling!’_

On the way back, however, something caught his attention. A large stone sticking up out of the ground. It was up the hill, under a lone sycamore tree. Heart hammering against his plastron, the young ninja cautiously made his way up the hill to see what it was. He didn’t recall ever seeing it before.

When he got there, it was just a large stone that had been carved, the markings fairly fresh, just as the ground in front of it had been recently tilled. Oddly, the dirt was stained red…

Mikey flung himself backwards, landing on his butt as he started to scoot away from the damming sight. “Wh-what is this?” he gasped in horror. He screamed when a hand latched onto his shoulder.

Looking back, he came face to face with Leonardo, who smiled down at him patiently. “Leo!” the younger turtle sobbed in relief. “Wh-what is this? What’s going on?!” He stared at the body splayed out on the ground in an oddly protective manner. “Raph’s not really…?”

When his big brother didn’t answer, only smiled, Mikey turned back to the stone, the _grave marker_ , before his eyes inevitably wander across the engraving.

_Hamato Leonardo_

_2000 – 2015_

_Beloved Brother & Fearless Leader_

“N-n-no,” Mikey chocked. “Th-this isn’t real! This…this isn’t happening! L-Leo! You’re right here! You’re here with me!”

Looking back, for the first time since they had come to the farmhouse, Leonardo’s smile twisted, turning into something dark. Ugly. It caused Michelangelo to flinch, trying to get out of his brother’s steely grasp. “Just keep smiling, Michelangelo,” he whispered, his grin morphing into something truly heinous. “Because everybody’s gone now.”

Leonardo’s laughter echoed, even as he faded away, leaving Mikey alone on the top of the hill. The breeze was freezing, biting into his skin as he frantically looked around, helpless. He couldn’t breathe. He was hyperventilating, but he couldn’t stop. Couldn’t calm down.

Gone! Everybody was gone!

Searching for Donnie, yielded no results, April and Casey were not there either. They’d abandoned him.

Curling up into a ball, Mikey sobbed. He was alone. He hadn’t noticed he was alone. All alone for the first time in his life, and he didn’t know what to do. Raph and Leo were…and Donnie disappeared…

The wind continued to howl with laughter, leaving the turtle frozen in place, too frightened to move, too broken to hope.

_‘Just keep smiling!’_

 


	4. Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo's Nightmare

_‘Failure.’_

Leonardo startled awake, gasping as his heart pounded against his plastron, sweat beading at his forehead. He shivered, the air biting, snowflakes lazily drifting through grey skies. He tried to remember what had happened, but couldn’t. The last thing he could recall was…

“The Invasion!” he hissed, struggling to his feet, only to collapse, a sharp, dagger-like pain shooting through his knee. The bone twisted and cracked, causing the teen to yelp, unable to repress the noise.

Nausea nearly overcame the turtle, but he managed to control himself. And when he thought he could bare it, Leo opened his eyes and sat back up slowly. After several steadying breaths he looked out at his surroundings, intent on figuring out what had happened and where he was.

The sight that greeted him was appalling.

Staring out across a broken sea of desolation, it was hard to imagine that this had once been one of the greatest cities in the world. That this had once been a refuge that greeted immigrants and visitors with open arms. A place where so many stories and legends had arisen in such short history. That this had once been the city that he loved with all of his heart and soul.

Now New York had become one of the greatest disaster areas in the world. Skyscrapers lay in devastated ruin, burned out vehicles littered crumbled streets. Dust from debris and fires that still continued to catch from buildings constantly collapsing filling the air, a grey smog perpetually hanging over the city and blocking out the sun. The eternally lit ‘City that Never Sleeps’ was now silenced. Dark.

And it was all his fault.

_‘Failure!’_

This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real! This wasn’t New York. It couldn’t be! Not _his_ New York!

Shakily, the teen pushed himself up onto unsteady feet and carefully limped a few steps, as if the slight change in perspective would create a more hopeful outlook. It didn’t. It only showed Leonardo more of the ruin and desecration.

They knew the war was coming, had prepared for it, had made themselves ready. But they hadn’t been. None of them had been ready for what the Kraang and Shredder had unleashed. There’d been too few of them to fight, too little time to truly organize. Their enemy had come in with everything they had, and what _they_ had just hadn’t been enough.

They’d failed.

 _He’d_ failed.

_‘Failure!’_

It was nearing night, or so Leo thought, the grey slowly blackening. It would probably be another hour or so before he wouldn’t be able to see a thing. Any light that might be used to help purge the darkness would surely only attract unwanted attention while out in the open, so any scouting would have to wait until tomorrow to resume. His number one priority would be to find a place where he could spend the night – if indeed it really _was_ night – and something to help his knee.

Limping carefully though the rubble, the teen made his way into the heart of destruction. It was eerily quiet, not a living soul in sight. There were no cars or trains or people milling about. No traffic of any kind. There weren’t even Kraang around, no weird probes or security robots that he could see. There was just…nothing.

Eventually he found himself in a hallowed out portion of what had probably once been an office building that had collapsed. The temperature dropped, but Leonardo dared not make a fire, nor sit beside one of the few still burning. The silence and darkness made him paranoid, and he felt uneven and frightened. He was still so confused, not understanding what was going on. He could not risk drawing attention to himself. Not until he knew a little more about this place. About what had happened.

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but he must have, because the next thing Leo knew, he was sitting up in the same old building, shivering. Making a plan, he found some old piping to use as a crutch and decided to search the city.

At the beginning he’d thought to go home, to sneak down into the sewers and work his way to the lair. The travel would have been easier than the surface. But each time Leo descended, he only got a mile or so, sometimes only a few feet, before he found himself blocked in. The tunnels had all been collapsed. If his home still existed, it would be difficult find.

_‘Failure!’_

It could have been days, maybe months, that Leonardo wandered through the city and found nothing. There were no people, no animals, no mutants, no aliens. There was nothing but ruination. And all he could think about was that he could have prevented this.

 _‘Failure_!’

Every day that he found no one, that he searched around the city uselessly, it weighed heavily upon the turtle’s heart. Each day that past he felt panic starting to rise, slowly choking the life out of him. What could he do to fix this? What could he do to redeem himself?

Where was his family?!

Leo tried not to think too hard about his brothers or father. The more he thought about them, the more frantic he became. He couldn’t afford to lose himself now. He had to stay alert, had to keep himself going. He had to figure out what to _do_.

_‘Failure!’_

Sometimes he just sat down and cried. There was no one that he had to stay strong for, no one he had to comfort or protect. He was alone out here, in the disaster that had once been his beloved home. He had no brothers to watch out for or care for, no father to help guide him through this mess.

Leonardo was alone, cold and weak and more miserable than he’d ever been in his entire life.

_‘Failure!’_

Sometimes he would cry out, daring anyone to come out and face him. He no longer cared if there was an enemy out there lying in wait to attack. He just wanted to see _someone_. He wanted to know that he wasn’t the last creature yet alive in the world. Any company, even hostile company, would have been welcomed. But no one ever came. No one was there.

_‘Failure!’_

Eventually he made it to his home. To just above where the lair should be. Tears streamed down the teen’s face in utter relief, hope blossoming in his chest for the first time since forever. If he could get into the lair, maybe he could find some clues as to what had happened to Master Splinter. To his brothers. If not, then maybe there would be something there that he could use to get out of the city and search elsewhere. Anything could be helpful, and anything was better than wandering through the desolation as he was.

Managing to find a manhole that wasn’t covered by a fallen building, the turtle shimmied his way down. Thankfully from what little he could see, the area wasn’t caved in. So limping further into the familiar passage, Leo felt his heart hammering against his plastron. There were scars from laser blasts on the wall from the Kraang, but he didn’t see any bodies. In fact…he didn’t see much of anything.

The lair entrance came up faster than he remembered it should, but the turtle rushed in, nearly tripping over himself to get there. “Sensei!” he called, pushing his way through the turnstiles.

Now inside, it was clear that there had been a great battle. Nothing was left standing upright, the entire place trashed. The couches were torn apart, the T.V. broken, even the observation deck was destroyed. The water entrance looked polluted, black and foul smelling. Nothing had been left untouched.

But there were no Kraang.

“Hello?” Leo called, taking the chance to bring more attention to himself.

Carefully making his way through his home, the turtle turned towards Donnie’s lab. Like the main room, the lab was a wreck. He knew if his brother were here to see the mess, he’d lose it. It looked as though every experiment his brother had ever concocted was ruined. Not even Timothy was left.

Wandering into the kitchen told the same story. Everything had been pulled out of the draws and off the shelves. The fridge had been tipped over and any food that had remained was spilled out on the floor, rotting. There was no sign of Ice Cream Kitty.

“Guys?” Leo raised his voice as he stumbled back out to the main room. Desperation started to take hold, and he could feel himself beginning to panic.

Where were they? Where was anyone? He’d expected to find evidence of the Kraang attack, but there was no sign of the aliens, save laser marks.

“The dojo,” he muttered to himself, hobbling up the stairs and to the one place that had always meant so much to him.

Of everything that he’d seen in this post-apocalyptic world, the dojo had been strangely left untouched. Walking in was like going back in time. It was as though nothing could touch this place. The tree still stood tall, growing strong and proud. The carpets were still neatly laid out. Even Master Splinter’s shrines were left undamaged. It was exactly as he remembered.

A sigh escaped the turtle, and tears were flowing steadily now. As he looked around, he surprised to find the panic slowly increasing. He had thought seeing the dojo whole would make him feel better, but it didn’t. Strangely it left him feeling more alone and cold than before.

As his eyes scanned across the room, a creak in the corner sounded, instantly grabbing the teen’s attention. What he saw made him sick. “M-Mikey!”

His baby brother was lying there, beaten and bloodied, neck snapped off to an unnatural angle. The normally bright scales were dulled and greying, barely recognizable.

Leo desperately tried to run, to reach out to help, to do _something_ , but found he couldn’t move. Struggling found that his limbs had gone numb. Paralyzed.

Blank, hallow eyes pierced the elder turtle, as the crooked head turned to glare at the leader. “You let us down,” Mikey’s rasping voice accused.

‘ _Failure!’_

“N-n-no!” Leo cried. “No! I-I led the Kraang away, I t-told you to get out!”

“ _You_ didn’t save me!”

“NO!”

A low moan in the far corner found Leo turning towards the sound. There the leader found the body of Donatello. Unlike their younger brother, Donnie’s body was completely limp, as though every bone in his body had been shattered, leaving nothing solid.

“You didn’t listen.”

Crying, Leo shook his head. “I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“You should have trusted me.”

“I-I’m sorry! I-I thought…We-we needed to get out!”

‘ _Failure_!’

“You did this!”

Startle, Leonardo turned yet again and found Raphael’s mangled corpse.

Sobbing by now, Leo tried to close his eyes, but found he could not. “I-I’m sorry!”

Unlike the younger turtles, Raphael had been sliced open, his inners dripping down dragging across the floor as he crawled determinedly to his elder brother. His face was sliced almost beyond recognition. “You didn’t save us!”

“I’m sorry!” the teen fell to his knees.

“This is all _your fault_!”

‘ _Failure_!’

“I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please! I-I didn’t…I tried!”

The three corpses were now dragging themselves across the dojo floor towards Leonardo, who could not move. All he could do was watch.

“YOU LET US DOWN!”

“YOU DIDN’T LISTEN!”

“YOU DID THIS!”

Leo sobbed hysterically, unable to stop the charges thrown his way. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. All he could do was sit frozen in place and listen to the accusations. To s _ee_ his failures. The corpses of his brothers before him.

A cry not his own briefly shattered the horrific spell, and snapping his head up, the turtle was just in time to watch as in the background, Master Splinter was cut down by the Shredder. That deep, maniacal laughter booming through the air. Blood from his father splattered across the floor, painting the turtles in red.

“YOU LET US DOWN!”

“YOU DIDN’T LISTEN!”

“YOU DID THIS!”

_‘Look at what you’ve wrought.’_

Leo was left screaming in hysterics as the Shredder stalked towards him, blades out and ready.

_‘You could have stopped this. You could have saved them.’_

He couldn’t move. As much as Leo struggled, he couldn’t move.

‘ _But you didn’t. You_ let _this happen. Because you’re_ weak _. Because you’re a_ FAILURE _!’_

“You’re pathetic,” the Shredder hissed as he pulled Leo up by the lip of his plastron, the bodies of his brothers clawing at his dangling feet. “A disgusting, pitiful creature!”

“YOU LET US DOWN!”

“YOU DIDN’T LISTEN!”

“YOU DID THIS!”

_‘Failure!’_

The infamous blades of the Shredder kissed Leonardo’s throat, a thin line of blood seeping from his neck. “I’ll send you to join your disgusting rat master!”

_‘DIE.’_

“Die now, turtle. By _my_ hand!”

_‘DIE!’_

“YOU LET US DOWN!”

“YOU DIDN’T LISTEN!”

“YOU DID THIS!”

_‘DIE! DIE! DIE!’_

“Die, turtle!”

Broken and alone, Leo closed his eyes. Going limp in the hand of his enemy, Leonardo allowed his life to be taken, knowing he was a failure in life and in death.


	5. Out of Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are awake and must face what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible T-cest if you want, or else just brotherly bonding. Raph and Leo always have these moments (damn drama queens).   
> A nice fluffy ending for my dear, dear AristaStarfyr~

Waking up from a nightmare was usually an ordeal in and of itself. Heart pounding, sweat dripping from every pour, eyes unfocused, and being unsure of where or when you were, were usually all common occurrences when wading through the memories of terror into reality. It was a feeling Leonardo was quite accustomed to, actually. Of the brothers, he’d always been the most prone to nightmares, and having become leader had only exacerbated the trait.

However, this time, waking up took on a _whole_ new meaning. Not only was he suffering from the effects of the worst dream he had ever experienced in his life, but waking up to the cacophonous chaos of screams, and feeling someone beating his chest in had only made the turtle panic all the more. Still half trapped in the nightmare of death, waking up to a seeming attack had left Leo in a near hysteric fit as he started kicking and punching anything and everything around him, too frightened to be relieved that he could actually move, unlike his dream.

But soon enough, Leo found himself unable to move about, and it took him another full minute to calm down once he realized he was trapped in the arms of a brother. And when he realized it was Raphael, feeling the big turtle squeezing him, pressing kisses to his cheeks before burying his face in the crook of his big brother’s neck, Leonardo felt as though his bones had been sucked out of his body. Because it was Raphael, and his brother was embracing him, not dead and accusing him of getting them all killed. Still alive and whole and probably the most beautiful thing the leader had ever seen.

And when he relaxed into the embrace, when he started to calm down, he realized there were other green limbs around him, too. Donnie and Mikey. They were both there, all three of his brothers hugging him until Leonardo couldn’t breathe. But he didn’t dare say anything, just basked in the fact that his brothers were all right. They were _alive_! And he didn’t bother to stop the tears that ran down his face as he tried to nuzzle into all of them, unable to move his limbs to offer his own hugs in return.

When things calmed, and all the tears turned into mostly sniffles, Leo came to learn what had happened . About the ‘ _Dream Beavers_ ’ that had come into their minds, attempting to suck out their souls and drain their life forces. It sounded like the plot of a terrible sci-fi movie, but after feeling the effects, after apparently almost succumbing to the beings from another dimension, Leo didn’t dare deny their deadliness.

As it turned out, too, of all the brothers, apparently Leonardo was the only one who hadn’t woken immediately after Casey smashed the book-mechanism that the weird scientist guy from the store had created to keep the Beavers trapped in the dream dimension. And of course seeing their big brother so still, and after their own nightmares, had left the younger turtles in hysteria, believing their brother dead. And the reason Leo found that his chest ached, was because Raph had flipped out and instead of asking what to do, or question if a modified version of CPR should be applied, had proceeded to hit him until Leo’s heart jumpstarted again.

While grateful, the leader couldn’t deny that he’d rather not be in his immediate younger brother’s aim again for a while. Raphael really did pack a punch.

So the chaos faded, and while Casey and April took the shop owner back to his place, as he’d apparently passed out once realizing the Dream Beavers were nothing to be scared of in this reality, the four brothers sat huddled around each other, refusing to let go. They’d been through a lot of shit in their short lives, had seen and done some pretty terrifying things. But it had always been together. This…Leo wasn’t sure about his brothers exactly, but dreaming of them being dead, of it being _his_ fault…it was the worst thing that he had ever felt. Not even the Invasion had frightened Leonardo so badly.

Even when their human friends returned, the turtles did not move, did not attempt to separate from one another. Mikey would periodically burst into tears, still shaking from his dream, while Donnie would suddenly go into a nervous fits, asking them if they were all right, if they were hurt, or if he could do something for them. Raph, on the other hand, didn’t say a word, just clung to them, Leo especially, as he stared off into space, deep in thought.

Since he was their big brother, and the leader of the team, Leo knew he was going to have to be the one to get his brothers back into line. That he was going to have to be the one to make them feel better. But he couldn’t speak. Couldn’t get any words out. He felt exhausted, but didn’t dare close his eyes. It took until well past eleven that evening before he could work up the courage and strength to speak.

“I-I know none of you probably want to talk about it,” he began, noting how all three looked at him immediately when he spoke. “But I think we should tell each other about our dreams.” At his brothers’ panicked expressions, he went on, “It would be good for us. To purge ourselves of the fears, overcome them.”

The younger turtles stared at their leader with a mixture of fright, reluctance, and in Raph’s case, anger. But when none volunteered to go first, Leo knew it was going to have to be him to take the lead. He’d faced those mushroom freaks in the past, he could tell them about his nightmare now.

The other three turtles listened avidly as Leo shakily began his tale. He told them everything, described his loneliness as he wandered the ruins of a post-apocalyptic New York City. About finding their destroyed home and his family dead. He even admitted to the horrors of realizing it was because of his failure to protect the city, the people, that had led to the death of their family. He even told them about giving up when the Shredder killed him.

“Th-that’s so terrible,” Mikey clung to Leo, nuzzling into the leader.

“That must be why you didn’t wake up,” Donnie muttered, hand reaching out to grab ahold of Leo’s arm, as if to make sure he was still real.

“Well it’s in the past,” the oldest forced himself to say, ignoring the pain it had caused to recount his nightmare so he could comfort his brothers. “A-and it wasn’t real. I’ve learned my lesson. I can’t give up. No matter what.”

Seeing such resolve encouraged Mikey to share his own dream. While Leo was still recovering from his own terror, Mikey’s dream sounded down right creepy, even to him. To not realize someone had died, to drive away the rest of the family by your seeming disregard for the death of a brother? That had to be hurtful. To go mad rather than live with the truth? And fade away alone and cold.

“It was just a nightmare,” Leo soothed, hating the tears streaming down his baby brother’s face.

“And besides, of us all, you’re the most in tune with others around you, Mikey,” Donnie reasoned, cuddling into their brother. “That was just a dream, not reality.”

And even while still trembling, Donnie launched into his own dream. His apathy for anyone and drive to discover and experiment, leaving him cold to the world was absolutely sadistic. They’d always joked in the past that their genius brother was an unfeeling machine at times, but this was a whole new level none of them had ever even considered. Listening to his brother describe experimenting on them left Leo nauseous, but he did his best to comfort his sensitive brother, tried to reassure Donnie that he would _never_ lose his humanity.

"You're the most caring of us all, D!"

And as Mikey returned the favor of snuggling into his lanky brother, Leo turned towards Raphael, who still remained oddly silent. When all eyes were one him, however, the big turtle offered nothing but a clipped explanation; “Couldn’t control my anger…Got you all killed.” That was all they could get from him.

But while Leo was disappointed in the lack of sharing, he didn’t push. This was supposed to be cleansing, something that his brothers _wanted_ to share with one another. If Raph didn’t want to speak – or perhaps he honestly didn’t see the point in adding detail – then Leo would drop it. They’d been through enough, and after everything, the leader wasn’t willing to start any fights.

The clock in the corner chimed midnight, snapping the turtles from their reflections. “We should get some rest,” Donnie muttered, clearly loathing the idea.

Mikey clung to his brothers, squeaking in fear as he nearly climbed into their shells with them. “C-can we at least all sleep together?” he asked, baby blue eyes wide and pleading.

Smiling softly, Leo nodded. “That sounds like a _great_ idea, Mikey. We can make a nest here on the floor.”

Since Leo was still injured, and getting beaten on early hadn’t helped him out all that much, he opted to stay where he was, while Mikey and Donnie reluctantly agreed to go upstairs to retrieve their blankets and pillows. They made quick work of it, for once taking to a task with a singlemindedness that even Leonardo wasn’t sure he could boast. None of them wanted to be away from each other longer than they had to be. It was odd how having his younger brothers out of his sight made Leo’s skin crawl. But he supposed they were all going to have to get used to being separated again eventually.

When the others returned, the turtles were quick in creating their own little nest to cuddle down in. Raph helped Leo up so Mikey could spread blankets out on the floor, before Donnie threw down some pillows. After stoking the fire, Donnie having a minor fit about his brothers getting too cold, they all settled in for the evening at the base of the couch.

It ended up that Donnie was settled into one side of Leo, arm across the leader’s middle, while Mikey was almost completely curled up in the genius’s lap, even as he stuck out an arm to touch Leo’s leg. Raph was on the other side of Leonardo, a protective arm wrapped around the older turtle, while the other hand was settled over Mikey, posed that he could pull the youngest up and against him should their be trouble.

It wasn’t the most comfortable arrangement, but none of them dared to move, none wanting to be away from the other. And while none of them wanted to sleep, the events of the day were too exhausting, and one by one they dropped off into sleep.

Mikey and Donnie were soon breathing heavy, and Leo felt himself being pulled into unconsciousness, eyes heavy, when he heard a soft whisper in the dark. “I killed you.”

Blinking back into awareness, Leo turned to stare at his immediate younger brother. Raph’s green eyes seemed to glow in the dark as he stared back with unnerving focus. “What?” was all the older turtle could think to whisper back.

“I-in my nightmare,” Raph began to explain in distressed awkwardness. “My actions led ta Donnie and Mikey’s dyin', but I…I-I _killed_ you, Leo. I fought you and I killed you. A-all because I was mad, I just… _killed you_.”

The anguish in the voice broke Leonardo’s heart, and while trying not to disturb his other brothers, he nuzzled up against the big turtle as best he could, settling his free hand on his brother’s leg. “It was just a dream, Raph.”

“No, it wasn’t!” he snapped harshly, before lowering his voice back down. The younger turtles didn’t stir. “I was so angry, I’ve _been_ that angry before, and I just…I’d _wanted_ ta do it. I killed you and…shit, Leo, I-I could really do it. I could really see myself doin' what I did in that fuckin’ dream…”

Squeezing his brother’s leg, Leo made sure to hold Raph’s eye when they met. “Listen to me, Raphael,” he commanded, making sure to have the other’s attention. “That was just a stupid nightmare. You would _never_ hurt me.”

“But –”

“No,” Leo snapped. “I trust you, Raphael. We _all_ trust you. Maybe you should trust yourself a little more, too.”

Even in the dark it was clear to see that the words had affected the normally brutish turtle, and before Leo could have prepared himself, his younger brother grabbed him, and for the second time that day, nearly squeezed the life out of him. Leo just held on, wishing he had the strength to squeeze back as hard, but did his best.

They stayed that way for at least several minutes before Raph was finally able to pull himself together. There were tears shinning in his eyes, but he didn’t dare start crying again, even as his stubborn lip began to tremble.

Smiling, nuzzling his brother once more, Leo began to settled himself, making sure to pull his brother down along the way. “Let’s get some sleep,” he encouraged. “Good night, Raph.”

“’Night, Leo.”      

The next morning, when April and Casey woke up, they came down the stairs to find their friends all huddled together, Mikey still curled up in Donnie’s lap, while Raph had wrapped up Leo in his arms. They didn’t dare wake them since they were resting peacefully, and instead smiled to one another as they walked out of the house to take a walk in the woods. It was a new day.


End file.
